recycledAir

"a heart that hurts, is a heart that beats"

A Praise Chorus
- Jimmy Eat World

Are you gonna live your life wondering,
Standing in the back,
Looking around?

Are you gonna waste your time thinking,
How you’ve grown up,
Or how you missed out?

Things are never gonna be the way you want.
Where's it gonna get you acting serious?
Things are never gonna be quite what you want,
Or even at 25,
You gotta start sometime.

I’m on my feet I’m on the floor I’m good to go.
Now all I need is just to hear a song I know.
I wanna always feel like part of this,
Was,
Mine.
I wanna fall in love tonight.

Are you gonna live your life,
Standing in the back,
Looking around?

Are you gonna waste your time?
Gotta make a move,
Or you'll miss out.

Someone's gonna ask you what it’s all about.
Stick around nostalgia won't let you down.
Someone's gonna ask you what it’s all about.
Whatcha gonna have to say,
For yourself?

I’m on my feet I’m on the floor I’m good to go.
Now all I need is just to hear a song I know.
I wanna always feel like part of this,
Was,
Mine.
I wanna fall in love tonight.

Crimson,
And clover,
Over,
And over.
Crimson,
And clover,
Over,
And over.
Crimson,
And clover,
Over,
And over.
Our house in the middle of the street
Why did we ever meet?
Started my rock 'n roll fantasy.
Crimson,
And clover,
Over,
And over.
Don't don't,
Don't let's start.
Why did we ever part?
Kick start my rock 'n rollen heart.

I’m on my feet I’m on the floor I’m good to go.
So come on Davey sing me something that I know.
I wanna always feel like part of this,
Was,
Mine.
I wanna fall in love tonight,
Here tonight.
I wanna fall in love tonight,
Here tonight.
I wanna always feel like part of this,
Was,
Mine.
I wanna fall in love tonight.
I wanna fall in love tonight.
I wanna fall in love tonight....

posted by: recycledair at 16:24 | link | comments |

I had an inkling today, a vibe that chilled my skin to the point of feeling uncomfortable.  I've said before that sometimes I wish I could get away from myself, and I guess today was one of those days.  I've realized something very important with the help of a very important person, that I've allowed my heart to become soft spoken and I now believe that these uncomfortable inklings are the voiceless screams of my heart desperatly trying to comunicate with me.

I hear I have so much more to go, I understand.
I'm told I need to be MORE patient., I understand.
I'm instructed to give more than I take, I understand.

It's just that when it falls apart and I once again have to put it back together it seems a little heavier and for that split second the darkness within me takes hold and makes me scream out loud "I'M DRAINED.....I DON'T WANT TO CARE ANYMORE!!!!!" over and over.

I fight it back, I don't cage it cause after all it is a part of me, a part of everyone, we all have our loads to bear and our demons to play chess with.

However I think I now know what I want most out of life...but I will not write it here.  There are now two very important questions I must answer;

why and should I.....

posted by: recycledair at 04:59 | link | comments (2) |

I wish you could see what I see.
I want to understand, or at least accept what I feel.
Move with the rhythm and sneak an "off beat."
I'm too intense, but I won't apologize.
"Take me as I am, or leave me where you found me"

I've seen this light before, it's not like others.
It's what I long for.
It's in a pair of eyes that give off more light than they take in.
A warm greeting from a friend I haven't met.
It's in your embrace, whoever you will be.
There's something more to be said here,
but the timing isn't right.

What do you see?

posted by: recycledair at 05:23 | link | comments |

I'm in love with sunsets, yes I admit it.  I love sunsets.  I love them cause they bring the night, but before they do they make the last bit of light dance.  Sometimes it's  slow and tender, sometimes violent and sexual.  But no matter what kind of dance, it's always full of passion.  Then the dance is over and the night swaggers in.  Ahh the night, this is my time.  There is so much beauty during the day light hours, but night time is my favorite.  (to be continued) In truth I would perfer to not sleep if i could.  I would wish to stay up 24/7 but alas this vessel requires rest, and so therefore I must now seek mine.  

posted by: recycledair at 06:41 | link | comments |

A Minds' Last Journey    4/20/1997

Tick, tock it continues,
Never ceasing all this time.
The light in the corner’s becoming dull.
It’s weakening clarity climbs down the walls,
And returns to the place of its birth.
On the bookshelf of memories,
Photographs upon photographs are strewn,
Next to ideas, promises, and friendships.
All of which if left in the sun begin to fade.
The couch guards an experience with each crease,
Carefully protecting them so they won’t disappear.
The trash in the kitchen has been emptied,
The bed has been made.
The dust on the coffee table has been removed,
And the wood has been polished up.
It is almost time to go.
The clothes are all washed and ready,
But there are no bags to pack.
The light is nearly gone now,
Just enough time to have one last look around.
What souvenir is to be taken,
Before the darkness claims it all.

Posted for my uncle, whom died today at 7am.

posted by: recycledair at 03:14 | link | comments (3) |

Reflections on a sunset   7/7/1997

Colors slowly changing, mixing one with the many
Creating this chaotic dance before me.
This is their moment; this is their time,
Gliding and swaying, floating and falling,
Laughing and crying, hoping and wishing,
All the while dancing on air.
I can see them moving back and forth,
Violently, yet coordinated.
With awkward grace, they move,
Like two first time lovers.
With embraces seen only at sad good byes.
Exchanging their innocence with each other,
Sharing their memories, sharing their pain.
Each allowing the other to see the innermost crevices,
Of their soul, unashamed and with no need to be.
Devoted to each other, their moment is almost gone.
One last kiss and they must say good night.

posted by: recycledair at 20:18 | link | comments (1) |

I'm listening to the new Ben Harper album and these thoughts bounce around my head.

I want to explode cause I feel sometimes it's the only way I would be able to express what I am.  What I think I am.  I recall hearing somewhere that humans cry when their bodies can no longer contain the emotion.  Perhaps laughter is the same, maybe a smile?  Pain is just as universal as love,  yet somehow they both feel so intimate when either one makes itself known to us. 

"Sweet nothing serenade"  track 5.  Just because you are you, I would...so powerful.  I read once that for one to find peace, one should take everything one holds dear and loves more than oneself, that which one would disapear if lost... and let it go.  "When you have everything, you have everything to lose"  Life will take things, and most importantly people away from you, but they never belonged to you.  It's hard to just be grateful for someone's presence in your life when selfishness is so easy.  I don't want to be selfish, I don't really think I am, but I just don't want to be it.  I want to have my father's patience, my mother's discipline and both their hearts.  I want more good deeds and fewer good intentions.  I want to swim in the love I feel inside and bring everyone in with me. 

I am the best and the worst of this world and I'm learning It's all a balance.

posted by: recycledair at 01:15 | link | comments (3) |

2/13/98

It’s funny how people can come into your life
Not knowing what they want, what they’re like
You offer them either a chance or a glance
And then you’re on your way
We never really know who will be the one to change our lives
Whether it be for the good, or the not good
We just don’t know
What makes us take the risk
What makes us keep on going
People come in and out of our lives everyday
And everyday, we don’t know it, but we’re changed somehow
The reason why we don’t notice is because it’s not drastic
And the other reason is that everyone goes through the same thing
Every time you shake someone’s hand, or brush someone on the street
Somehow I think that we take a part of them with us
Everyone’s trying to find out who they really are
What makes them tick
But the ways in which people go about doing this
Separates us so much more
Pulls us away from what we really are
Connected
In some insignificant yet monumental way
We are all a part of the same consciousness
But no, we can’t accept that
We have to be individuals
Life is beautiful
Surrender
Believe in love
That’s all

posted by: recycledair at 05:32 | link | comments (1) |

It’s hard to breathe, I feel the strain in my lungs and I revel in it.  This is intoxicating, but should I trust it or put my mask back on.  I know but still I won’t take the easy way, it’s not me.  However, I often wonder if I invest too much emotion into things.  If I force some sort of uninvited meaning into things that should just be admired.  After all isn’t that the perfect way to take things for granted?  Am I so afraid of taking things for granted that I’m missing out on them entirely, thereby accomplishing what I set out to avoid?

 

I want.…too much I often fear.

posted by: recycledair at 02:31 | link | comments |

Recycled Air

I take a breath and pull the air in 'til there's nothing left
I'm feeling green like teenage lovers between the sheets

Ba ba ba ba ...

Knuckles clenched to white as the landing gear retract for flight
My head's a balloon inflating with the altitude

Ba ba ba ba...

I watch the patchwork farms' slow fade into the ocean's arms
And from here they can't see me stare
The stale taste of recycled air
I watch the patchwork farms' slow fade into the ocean's arms
Calm down, release your cares
The stale taste of recycled air

-The Postal Service

posted by: recycledair at 23:32 | link | comments |

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